Another birthday. I can’t say it snuck up on me this year so much as that I really didn’t pay attention to the fact until yesterday…when you’ve had this many you tend not to make a big deal out of it. Considering I’ve been exclaiming dramatically “we’re 35!” about Dan and I for the past year now (I was 33, he was 34), I obviously don’t have an issue admitting our age, but at the same time it’s hard to believe that we’re approaching mid-life already (ALREADY?!)
It’s funny, the acceptance of it all. I fight it but embrace it literally at the same time. Part of me cannot believe that my knees and hips are clicking and cracking so much already, that my eyes are drooping in the corners, that my hair is getting SO gray so quick, and then part of me cannot believe that I’m living an ‘adult’ life, with adult responsibilities (including 2 school aged kids!), adult decisions and consequences, when I feel like I’m still that moody 20-year old who scrapbooks her feelings and listens to melancholy music to ponder life (I still do all that.) It’s a funny thing, this decade of our 30s; it’s the best one I’ve ever had, with a confidence I’ve only ever dreamed of having, and yet I still fight having to go through it in some ways. I imagine it’ll be this way until the very end, appreciating it while wishing it would stop. Life’s dichotomy, present in everything.
So, because I was a moody 20-something in the ‘golden age of blogging’ (2005-2010: RIP personal, non-content driven blogs), I felt like writing one of those silly ‘XX things about me at XX” posts; maybe when I’m 44 I’ll come back and see how much I’ve changed (or stayed the same).
- I swear. A lot. It has gotten worse over the years and I’ve gotten less concerned with who hears it (though I’m 99% clean at work, no worries!)
- My love for MMA has grown into a weird obsession, to the point where I now not only follow MMA, but MMA media personalities as well. It’s the greatest sport. (And I still can’t help but love that Irishman, I really can’t.)
- I have started to dream about our big ‘once in a lifetime’ trip that I want to do with the kids in 5 years (2022, when they are 12 and 10); 3 months off work, travelling around Europe, learning and living. Not sure how we’ll swing it financially, but I’m opening a “Europe 2022” bank account today, so we’ll see.
- If my teens were defined as wearing sneakers, low-cut jeans and baby T’s and my 20s as wearing flared jeans and tight striped shirts, then my 30s can only be defined as ‘athleisurewear’ through and through. Jeans are a huge pain in the butt and I prefer workout clothes to anything else. Oh, and grey, always grey (or black).
- I’ve gotten so sick of our society’s view on breasts; I really thought we would be over it by now! Whhhyyyy does it have to be a big deal if breasts are shown in an image or on screen, why are people grossed out by breastfeeding still, why do we care?! Take me to the topless beaches; I’ll be the first with my shirt off.
- I’ve lived a long enough life to know that I’ll probably never really be able to eat ‘clean’ and healthy, unless I become independently wealthy and can afford a personal chef. It’ll never happen. It’s fine.
- I love my kids’ ages SO much. At 5 and 7, they are still small enough to want to hang out with us and still have that little kids innocence, but they are also old enough to take care of their basic needs and have real conversations with and have varied interests that can be explored, it really is the best. These are the years I know I’ll want to go back to, these are the years I’ll want to freeze.
- I am 100% pro selfie. If you aren’t into it that’s fine but girls, show me your outfits, your post-workout sweaty face, your photos with friends, your bathroom mirror selfies with fun quotes, I am all in (and post them myself frequently).
- I have a real love/hate relationship with social media. There are so many positives to it but lately, the negatives have become even more prominent and I really wish I could scale back (I have tried before and will continue trying but I am admittedly addicted.) Social media is a huge part of my work though so I’ll never be able to truly get away from it, but from now on I want to be smarter about how I use it and consme it.
- I can (still) watch the same movies over and over and over again (current movies I itch to watch constantly are The Revenant and Drive).
- I finally (maybe?) feel confident enough to do a boudoir session.
- I am currently in love with Half Moon Run (and am so thankful to Dan for keeping up with current music and for introducing me to new bands).
- I go back and forth about wanting more tattoos; I have the itch again but am still unsure about what to get (I’m done getting ‘important’ tattoos that mean anything, now I just want pretty art for my body.) I get them every 2 years and just got one last year (I have 5), so I should probably wait…
- I enjoy reading now more than I have in years but still can’t stay awake for longer than like 10 mins before falling asleep (day or night). Because of this it takes me months to get through a book.
- I am scared about the next 5 years of business; I’m done ‘growing’ my business, I’m established, now it’s all about pushing forward and keeping clients interested in a market where there are SO many talented, young and hungry photographers looking to break out themselves. I worry about ‘keeping up’.
- I cringe in most social situations when there is the least bit of awkwardness (I CANNOT handle awkwardness; shows like “The Office” are torture to me.)
- I prefer drama to comedy 10 times out of 10 (but love laughing at funny animal videos).
- I always make huge plans for Halloween but never follow through on any of them.
- I buy thrift store clothes almost weekly (mostly work out gear).
- I want to have jacked arms but can barely do 5 push-ups on my toes.
- I still love being with Dan more than anything else in the entire world. We’ll have been together for 14 years this June, 10 years married, and if anything I’ve gotten even clingier to him (if he’s in another room I want him to come back). It’s not normal I think, but I’m so thankful to have such a great partner to age with.
- I am unable to do proper hellos/goodbyes, so when I see people I tend to just jump into conversations as if no time has passed at all.
- I am a huge slacker when it comes to my kids’ activities. They don’t do anything after school, in the evenings, on weekends…I just can’t. I know they are getting old enough now that they really should find something that interests them, I just need to get on it and commit (and prepare myself for all the rushing and driving and packing and…UGH.)
- I sometimes feel bad for not being more of ‘artist’. I feel like I’ve ‘lost’ it lately but then I’ll see something or think something and know that I am one, I just need to have more follow-through and consistency with creating (too many periods of doing nothing.) “You can’t use up creativity, the more you use, the more you have”.
- I barely follow people I know “IRL” on social media; I tend to follow interests instead (does that make me a bad person?!)
- I love listening to podcasts and have a hard time working at my computer without them. Current favs are Unexplained, Turn Me On (local podcast based out of Halifax!), Stranglers, The Joe Rogan Experience, Big Brown Breakdown (mma).
- I am cynical, a bit jaded, serious, moody.
- The topic of marriage fascinates me; what makes a good marriage, what doesn’t, how partners share their lives together, the importance of communication, all of it, I could really study it as a second career.
- US politics are stressing me the fuck out. It’s not funny anymore, it’s not ok, it’s not ‘let’s see what happens’ anymore, it’s not ‘let’s give him a chance’ anymore…it’s fucked up.
- I love the Sabbaths and the changing of the seasons, the rhythm of the year here where I live, I just wish I took the time to celebrate a bit more.
- I follow an Australian fitness girl (Ashy Bines) on Snapchat and secretly wish I were ‘one of them’.
- I find newborns hilarious in the best kind of way, toddlers terrible in the best kind of way, and HATE ‘mommy wars’.
- I am continually complaining about something.
- I am continually grateful for everything.
Here’s to another amazing year.