It’s hard to know where to start with this post. I debated whether I should go the ‘traditional’ route and not say much or whether I should reveal a bit more. I don’t claim to be a shy person but at the same time I sometimes roll my eyes at people who share too much online and I’m often on the fence about what’s appropriate to share publicly and what should be left between those closest to you (I struggle with this especially in regards to my kids, as I’m sure everyone in our modern world does.)
But at the same time, I WANT to say more. I want to say how this series of photos means more to me than most photographs I’ve taken in my life. About how without ever even seeing them on a large screen I knew I would love them. About how when I saw some of the final images tears came to my eyes and my heart swelled, close to bursting. About how I could not wait to get them finished and have been thinking about them constantly ever since.
I want to say all this publicly because this beautiful man, my husband and love of over 10 years, means that much to this (sometimes) cold-hearted, cynical girl. That without his support and love and encouragement I could have never started this business and that without him I would be totally lost. It’s funny, you assume that the beginning of your relationship is the ‘best’ part, but really, it’s just the most out-of-control part. You can’t control your oogey gooey feelings for that person so you end up shouting on the rooftops about your love, and your whole life becomes consumed by that person. But as time passes and things change, you regain control of your outward emotions; it doesn’t mean that the feelings aren’t still there, however. In fact, I feel more in love with Dan than I did when we first got married 7 years ago. It’s dense and powerful but it’s quiet too, wrapped up in the everyday rhythm of our lives. The more we have gone through, the more we change and grow and build our lives, the more we are eternally tied together…we’re in this thing DEEP, as I always say. I am beyond lucky to have someone like this in my life, I know it’s truly a rare thing to feel this way for someone after 10 years and have them feel the same way, and I do my best not to take advantage. He and our marriage are top priority (and I mean top priority, even over our children) and I think that is what has kept us going, even through difficult times.
Seeing him do this thing for me, agree to pose for photos when he’d much prefer to do anything else, meant so much to me. I’ve been meaning to document him at this point in his life for months now, but our work schedules have been so busy for the last 3 months that it just never happened. Finally yesterday he had a rare day off and I decided to take advantage of him being home despite having other work to do. As is his nature, he was extremely patient and willing to do whatever I asked him to do, and I did something a bit out of the ordinary myself, shooting the entire session in B&W (much easier than I thought!) I wanted moody and sexy and serious and fun all at the same time, because that’s what Dan is, and that’s what we got.
They may not mean a single thing to anyone else and the flaws in the photographs may be glaring, but I don’t see them, I just see HIM. The long-haired, shaggy boy I fell in love with 10 years ago is now the 31 year old father of two, who works hard without complaint, raises his children equally with me, who loves playing music and being home, who still gives me a hug or kiss or back rub every single day, who is patient beyond measure, who has worked hard at taking care of his body and is proud of the results, who is getting more handsome and rugged with every white hair in his beard…this is who I see, who I want to remember when we are old and wrinkled and just as happy to be together as we were when we started. When we’re at the end, deeper than ever.
Thank you for letting me share my ooey gooey feelings and please enjoy.
I knew I wanted to photograph his hands, they are such a huge part of who he is (skilled labourer, musician, father, hard worker), I just love how it turned out.
My favourite (next one-this is the real Dan).
When I said we were done I got this smile:
And just to show that he’s not all male-model all the time, he did plenty of goofing off too…
Have a great weekend everyone,